Next Time, Stick To The Cards
by textbooknarcissism
Summary: "I am Iron Man." SHIELD's, and other people's reactions to those four words. Based after Iron Man ends. Mild language.


The screams and yells of the mass of reporters and officials could still be heard as Tony exited the stage after almost an hour of questioning. He did bring it on himself, after all. He told them he was Iron Man. That little comment could, and would, bring on so many questions, and so much trouble for Tony Stark, leaving him little sanity. He sighed as he entered the backstage, only to be greeted by another mass of yelling people. Except these ones were mostly angry.

First, was Pepper. He stood in front of her grinning like an idiot until she slapped him across the face. He staggered backwards and held his face, looking at Pepper in surprise.

"Wooow," he said in shock, "That actually, y'know, hurt..."

Pepper looked at Tony with fury in her eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She asked him. Tony opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and frowned in thought.

"Umm... Being honest?" He said as he pushed past Pepper and the rest of the crowd to sit down.

Pepper followed him; "Being honest? Half of your company just exploded, killing your backstabber of a partner, because of two high-tech weaponed suits. Do you really think that's what the public needs to know about?" She screamed at him.

Tony grimaced and covered his ears; "Careful Potts, I'd rather not bleed through the ears," He muttered. Ignoring him, Pepper continued.

"You just told a room full of reporters that you get into a metal suit and fight crime at night. How does that look just after you return from being kidnapped?"

Tony held up a finger, and looked behind Pepper at the rest of the crowd waiting to strangle him.

"Should it really be called kidnapping in my case? I don't consider myself to be a kid."

Pepper scoffed; "Well you've sure been acting like one."

"And actually, Potts, I'm not like, Batman or something. Much cooler than that. I don't only fight crime, and I don't just fight at night. And the suit isn't metal."

He looked at her angered expression, just begging for him to continue.

"It's Gold-Titanium Alloy," Tony said matter-of-factly. Pepper looked at him with amazement for a moment, before turning away and saying "I give up, he's all yours," to someone Tony couldn't see through the crowd.

Rhodey made his way through the mosh pit of people, and knelt down beside the chair in which Tony sat.

"Hey man," Rhodey said to his best friend.

"....Hi," Tony said hesitantly, looking at his friend with suspicion.

"How you doing? Good? Good," Rhodey smiled at Tony for a second, before reaching over and pinching his leg; intending excruciating pain.

Tony yelped and held his leg; "Why is everyone hurting me? I'm not hurting you, and I have every mean to informally kick your asses, but I'm not!" He whined.

A few members of the crowd snickered, but mostly it was just silence, until Rhodey said "Well, Tony, that's because we didn't just reveal to the world that we're superheroes... You did."

Tony grinned at him. "Oh right, I'm a Superhero. That's Fantastic."

Rhodey stared at him for a minute, before whacking him over the back of the head, causing Tony to yelp in pain and rub his head once more.

Tony just looked at Rhodey and grimaced, waiting for the next blow. But all Rhodey did was ask "...So if you aren't allowed to be Iron Man, can I try it out?"

Tony grinned while he heard Pepper's voice call for Rhodey to quit it. Rhodey groaned, stood up, and walked into the crowd once more. Tony sat in his chair, waiting for who was going to come chew him out next, but all that happened was a voice yelling "Will everyone except Miss Potts, Mister Rhodes, and ..... Mister _Stark,_ please get out of the room.. NOW." Pepper and Rhodey moved to the side of the room, while everyone else swiftly exited, to reveal a very neutral looking Agent Coulson walking towards Tony. Coulson didn't even take a breath before confronting Tony.

"Um, Tony? What the fuck was that?" Coulson said angrily, making a hand gesture to where Tony previously stood on stage. Tony blinked.

"That was.. I'm trying something new, it's called honesty?"

"I thought I told you to stick to the cards? Where on the goddamn cards does it say to reveal that you're Iron Man? Hmm? I didn't see it on them."

Tony reached into his jacket pocket and flipped through the note cards he was supposed to read to the reporters, before asking "Coulson? Do you have a pen I could borrow for a moment?"

Agent Coulson sighed before reaching into his own pocket and handing Tony a pen, who quickly scribbled something across a note card before handing it back to Coulson.

Tony then handed the note card he had written on to Coulson.

"Right there. That's where it says it."

He had written "I am Iron Man," across one whole note card. Coulson's eyes narrowed and he crumpled the note card in his fist, as his phone rang. He glanced at it, then looked at Tony.

"Director Fury is pissed. I can already tell and I haven't even answered yet," Coulson finished before walking away and answering his phone call. Pepper glared at Tony from where she stood, while Rhodey half smiled at him. Tony just grinned at them both. Coulson walked back over to Tony while still on the phone and said "Yeah, Director Fury is mad. He's threatening to send the black ops over here and have them kick your ass."

"Well, tell him that I still refuse to join his super-secret boy band..."

"He says that's not what he's mad about."

"Oh... Well then tell him that I'm sorry, but I'm not into male modeling, especially for private purposes," Tony grinned as Agent Coulson put his face in his palm and walked away once again.

At this point, Pepper and Rhodey made their way over to Tony, and just as Pepper was finally about to open her mouth, Coulson returned. He was off the phone now, but still looked quite as angry.

"Director Fury says it's your problem, Tony."

"It was all along."

Pepper, Rhodey, and Agent Coulson exchanged glances, before Pepper asked "So what do we do now.. _Iron Man_?"

**///**

**A/N: I really wanted to write this, even though I know it's not all that relevant to anything. Based like, after Iron Man ends and Tony says "I Am Iron Man," this is what I imagine would have happened once he finally got through all those reporters and stuff. I know it's not great, but personally I really enjoyed it. So, thank you :)**


End file.
